Wednesday

Voltera, Italy - Fortezza Medicea




"This exclusive restaurant in Voltera, Italy has tables booked weeks in advance. In order to secure a table, you and your guests will need to call ahead, submit to full background checks, and, once on premises, the maitre d and his helpful staff will frisk you and take your cell phones and anything else they deem a risk.


Why the precautions? Is it because their chicken parmesan is so delicious, patrons have been known to storm the kitchen, threatening the life of the cook staff lest they reveal what Hell-demon they blew to get the recipe? Yes, but also because Fortezza Medicea is a maximum security prison.




Not only is it a prison, but the wait staff and cook staff are all convicted inmates. The head chef is doing life for murder, as is the piano player Bruno (Bruno will take no requests. Do not speak to or make eye contact with Bruno). The cooking is accomplished entirely with plastic utensils, for the safety of the customers, and added casual feel of the establishment. Why, dining at Fortezze Medicea is just like having a picnic! A picnic with the mafia!




But not to worry; while you eat, you will at all times be under the hawk-like gaze of 20 prison warders, just waiting for an inevitable violent escape attempt. Will you be taken hostage at (plastic) knife-point, used as a human shield by a convict, or simply gunned down in the cross fire? It all adds to the deliciousness of their signature red wine sauce."


Arianne St. Claire

Toronto Escort

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